As I Breathe
by JediShy'eJinn25
Summary: After the Reaper War, there's much to rebuild. Not just colonies and buildings, but lives and minds. How can one escape from nightmares when the nightmares become real? Set five years after the end of the War. OC/OC Some canon characters might be mentioned or make a cameo.


**A/N: Well, here's the first of what I'm mentally calling my "dark fiction." It's un-Beta read, so there's bound to be several mistakes that I don't see right now. I just wanted to get this out there so I can have your opinions on it. **

**This is my alt, so if you want more light-hearted stories, my main is GypsyTimeLady51. **

**Mass Effect is definitely not mine, which is the worst, but Johana is definitely mine as is the plot.**

**Please, please, please let me know what you think. If you have any advice about severe PTSD or other mental issues related to that, send me a PM and I'll take that into consideration since I want her to be as realistic as possible.**

NIGHTMARE

_"Stop it! Leave him alone! Please!"_

_ My throat burned raw. The arms that held me remained an immovable prison. His mangled body sprawled on the ground in front of me. Booted feet kicking him in spite of my protests. _

_ "This is all your fault, little sparrow," sighed a voice somewhere behind me._

_ I shook my head desperately, sobs wracking me from head to toe. "Just stop it, please!"_

_ "If you'd only stayed with me, I wouldn't have to punish him for your disobedience."_

_ The feet left and my heart almost stopped. I knew what came next. It always came after the torture. A harsh cry struggled free and I fought against my holders. "No, no, no! I'm sorry! I'll stay, I promise! I'll stay! Just leave him alone!"_

_ A stronger, disappointed sigh came from right next to me. "Sparrow, you know it's far too late for that. Let this be a lesson. You will _always_ be mine. No matter how far you run, no matter what you call yourself, I will always find you. Anyone you know will suffer the consequences for your disobedience, girl."_

_ A gun whined to existence. He squeezed the trigger._

"No!" With a scream, I jolted back into reality. Something tangled around my legs, restraining me. I had to fight to breathe, only a trickle of air reaching my lungs. Had to get free! Had to escape! I flailed madly against whatever held my legs.

"Johana! Stop, it's all right." Warm, rough hands gripped my wrists, trying to pull them away from my face. Something about that voice reverberated against my chest.

My head whipped around wildly, panic clenching my heart painfully as I struggled. I couldn't let them hold me! "No, no! They'll hurt him! Let me go! Please!" In the darkness, I couldn't see who held me or what had tangled around my legs.

The hands drew me forward. Far stronger than me, but not painful. A soft vibration trembled along my skin. "Hush now, you're safe. It was just a dream. They can't hurt you. You're safe, _siha_."

_Siha_.

I knew that word. Only one person ever dared call me something so endearing. Scrambling for control over what possessed my mind, I dared to make sense of the shape in the dark. A frilled head. A gust of breath smelling of warm cinnamon. The scaled feel of the hands gripping my own.

"T-Taven?" The voice that squeaked out of my throat didn't sound like my own.

The head dipped forward slowly. "Yes, Ana, it's me. You're safe. It was just a dream." With each second, that voice grew more familiar until I recognized it once again.

I froze. Alive … Taven … alive. Right in front of me. Not broken. Not bleeding. Not ….

A choked sob exploded from me as I collapsed into his arms. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," I gasped into his bare chest. The pounding of his heart against my head confirmed the truth I should've known from the start. Taven.

Strong arms wrapped around me, shielding me from the world as the tears refused to end. His dual-toned voice thrummed with an alien melody. Back and forth he rocked me, stroking my head as if I were a child. He didn't ask any questions. Didn't insist that I control myself and act like a grown-up. We just sat there as round after round of emotions poured down my face, cleansing me ever so slowly.

Time passed without measure. Minutes or hours could have passed by the time the tears had run dry and I could breathe again. Taven's sub-harmonics still tingled my skin, though my ears could no longer hear him. I shuddered, the fear of letting him out of my sight making a bloodthirsty comeback. If he left, that … nightmare could become all too real.

The vibrations stopped and Taven released a quiet sigh. He stilled, but that didn't bother me. "I'm sorry, _Siha_," he murmured into the darkness of the room.

The confession brought me out of my thoughts just a little. "What?" My voice emerged little more than a thick croak.

"I shouldn't have left you alone for so long yesterday. Didn't even realize the time until I came home." His regret spoke so loudly through his words, I could almost see him beating himself bloody. Just like my nightmare.

I shook my head, sitting up a little. "You were busy." My hands still clung to him, though. I didn't want to let him go even a few feet away from me. Not until I knew for sure that he'd be safe.

Taven rested his forehead on mine, a gust of a sigh tickling my face. "That's no excuse. I promised to look after you … help you get through this." His vocals tripped over themselves and he had to clear his throat to continue. "Can … do you want to tell me what it was?"

So much hope and a tenderness washed over me that I nearly told him everything. The image of him lying bloodied on the ground flashed through me again. I shuddered, burying my head in his shoulder, trying – and failing – not to cry again. "I'm … I'm sorry. I c-can't."

Adjusting to a more comfortable position, Taven pulled me in so I became tucked against his side. "All right. You don't have to," he murmured, starting to hum again. Something I didn't recognize and drifted in and out of my hearing. The melody didn't matter. His warmth and the vibrations that transferred through his chest against my fingers did.

More time passed until his sub-vocals wore away the worst of my terror. Exhaustion cascaded over me in its place, making my eyelids feel as heavy as if I hadn't slept in a week. My hands started to slip from their hold on Taven's arms. The motion alone jolted me back awake, if only a fraction.

A soft chuckle warmed the darkness. "Do you think you can sleep now?"

I chewed on my lip. If I admitted to not wanting him out of my sight, he would be late for work again. I didn't want him to leave the room for a month, but … he wanted me to trust him. Very slowly, I found myself nodding, though the worry of not having him near me had started driving away my tiredness.

Taven's lips brushed my forehead. "We'll have to call Dr. Nels in the morning, you know."

Nels. My ever-constant therapist. Some days I wished she didn't exist. I always ended up being forced to remember things I didn't want to see again.

"_Siha_?"

"Okay," I breathed, throat raw and unable to speak any louder.

When Taven guided me back down, I expected him to just sit at the edge of the bed until I fell asleep. Every time a nightmare woke the both of us, he'd never left me alone. So my heart almost jumped out of my mouth when he moved to the other side of the bed and lay next to me. I opened my mouth with a protest –although half-hearted – on my lips.

Two fingers on my lips caused my voice to completely die. "Go to sleep, my love. I'll be here when you wake. You won't be alone, I promise." A sound akin to a purr dipped his voice so low, I knew he would keep his word.

Tears of a different sort stung my eyes as I curled into him. He hated my bed, said it had too much fluff for him. He wouldn't get any sleep and yet he still thought to stay.

One lingering trace of fear made me freeze before I could close my eyes. "Promise?" Like a child, I just had to know that nothing would happen to him. That he wouldn't leave as soon as I fell asleep.

A gentle kiss graced my cheek as his chest pressed into my back. "As I breathe, _Siha_, as I breathe."


End file.
